2.25.2019

how the hell did I become a wino...

wow...
shiiiiiit,
where the hell do i even begin...
i have been putting this off for a while because for one, where & how do i even begin and two, when you’re a blackout drinker, it’s hard as hell to remember a lot of what happened towards the end of my “career” and well, that makes it next to impossible write about it without a lot of thought, and lots of input from my dear husband. bless his heart...

i somehow can remember can't remember last week when i was a little girl, probably 5-6 yrs old, sitting in my pawpaws lap, thinking i was the shit getting to take a sip of his "miller pony"... it was so tiny and cute, fun sized like me.  just a sip, every now and again over time. it was always fun trying to sneak it without my granny seeing because when he got caught, he would get cussed out, bless his heart. i pray he is in heaven enjoying a pony not getting bitched at by ole granny...

i was the normal girl in high school, i would drink on weekends and smoke everybody’s weed, any day of the week. there other drugs throughout the years but nothing i ever thought much about. i wasn’t the one to ever buy that kind of stuff but any drug that was offered to me, i didn’t think twice about taking. the first time i smoked weed, it was with my aunt... i figured if a family member, who is an adult, offered, it couldn't be that bad. ha, first clue i was a dumbass {fyi, don't write about it in a letter in school and forget about it and have your mom find it, then aunt and you are both a little fucked! as you can see, i've always been uber smart}

i was 15, a sophomore in highschool when i met my husband at a corner gas station. to clarify, i was out walking around town with a friend, probably looking for weed & beer, not working the corner... proof that true love can be found almost anywhere when you least expect it. my friend knew him and introduced us... cute, tall, skater boy, yep, i'll take him for today... we were off to the races. {for about 4-5 months} he is who taught me how to drive my first stick shift car and showed me how a female was to be treated. however, he was too nice... guys just are not supposed to be like this... was he even human?? i was not use to being catered to and treated like a princess, wtf was wrong with this guy? therefore, after a few months, i kicked his poor sweet ass to the curb, {what the fuck was i even thinking??} this should have been my first clue that drinking and drugging weren't exactly the best thing for my pea brain, i should have started doing the opposite of what i thought/wanted to do... took me a few years to wake the efffff up and realize that HE is what a guy/man should be and i was just too fucked up to realize it... ahem, but in the end this nice guy actually finished first. this is when i’m totally convinced that vanessa williams top hit, save the best for last, was personally written for us, she still doesn't even know it...more about my prince charming later...

i am breaking this down into many many many posts, i hate to read long winded shit so i assume everyone is like me...
part 2 of 257,098 tomorrowish  and it will be video so you can here how eloquent {redneck} i sound....

stay so sober my friends,
xoxo daph